Halloween Fun!

Posted on October 29, 2011 by

Happy Halloween everyone!!

I always miss writing over here!  I’m thinking I should probably just throw all things to the side every few days or so, and get over here and write while I’m still on this earth.  Who knows, one day this blog might be important to someone.  Nah…won’t happen, but it’s fun to dream…

As this Halloween draws near, I can’t help but remember the fun of All Hallows Eves of my past! Halloween was ALWAYS my favorite Holiday. It was the only Holiday that I felt was just for me, (as not even my birthday was) and I always approached it with the intent of complete self-indulgence.  It was the one day that I felt I could be anyone I wanted to be…which was, to me, a time to show another side of who I am that most don’t see!  I don’t think they realized what I was doing, but no matter to me…I had a BLAST!

In the old days, I didn’t have a dime, so all my costumes were some odd creation of what I was thinking about at the time using whatever I could find to create it.  Regretfully, I didn’t have a camera and film back then so I don’t have any pictures of those lash ups!  (Or anything else of those years.)  I don’t miss those days of having to develop film! The digital days are much better…cheaper and instant…but I digress!

Not much going on this year where I live. Even the little watering hole I’ve stopped at from time to time is doing nothing. Saddens me that no places in town are doing anything fun for the Holiday. I’d have a party, but I don’t have anyone to invite up here, so…I guess I am doing nothing.  Is this part of getting older?  This getting older stuff REALLY sucks! Where did everyone go?  Nevermind.  I know where they went.  That’s the other part of getting old that sucks, people die and people move away.  Oops…there I go again getting off track.

I’m thankful and grateful that I had Marc and Jim to play with this year to create The Halloween Visit.  I do hope everyone who reads this goes to see it.  (Just click the link.)  It’s not your typical Halloween video, as The Gallowravens are not your typical Vampires!  The making of this video is my highlight for this year’s celebrations.  It took months of planning to finally get to the filming part and then to the part I do it all for…the editing.  Things never go as planned for me, so, I didn’t have nearly as much time as I would have liked to have to been able perfect some of the effects, however, I think it turned out quite wonderful.  There were some things that definitely worked out well.  As a whole, I am very proud of the work we ALL did on this.  Working with Marc and Jim was a lot of fun and helped to keep things moving forward.

Marc did a wonderful job as Dementor yet again, and he also created a little trailer for us to help get people over to my channel to see it.  People don’t like me nearly as much as they like Marc.  They ADORE him, as do I. Here is his trailer video, “Blood Relation (Story of Three Vampires – Trailer)” if you would like to see that too.  I know you will read this, Marc, so I want to add a special thank you, brother, for all your love, help, and support in all things and especially in these slightly insane things…ha!  I know how difficult it was for you with your moving and upcoming retirement planning, and as if that wasn’t enough, you were sick when you shot your part.  You are a true STAR!

Jim Westmoreland, (yes, the actor who started his career as Rad Fulton) did a wonderful job as Demented.  I hope to learn about acting from him since I know nothing and just wing it…poorly!  I feel very honored that he joined in the fun with Marc and I.  Jim and I do laugh a lot together and this video shoot was no exception.  It added another level to laughter which you will probably see in the outtakes (bloopers) at the end of the video.  If you are reading this Jim, THANK YOU again!  I am looking forward to getting started on the next project!

I did a couple of dress rehearsals for me, as I wasn’t sure what look I wanted.  I think I chose the best look for Dementia this year.  The red and black wig I had planned on using in the beginning, I thought, made me look more like a Geisha Girl!  It was probably due to the flash hitting that make-up just right and making my face look so white.

I also wanted to decide on a “look” that worked, while getting a bit of practice at it, so it wouldn’t take me forever to get ready.  I ended up with the look I had in the video, which took me 2 1/2 hours to do.  That’s counting shower, make up, costume, jewelery, and wig just for me!  Then it was a few more hours getting Jim ready.  I think all the time and effort was worth it for “The Gallowraven” look.  What do you think?

I suppose I could drive an hour or so down the mountain to find a place to go, but, that just doesn’t seem like the best plan, so I will be staying home.  I used to enjoy handing candy out to the kids, seeing their costumes, and talking with them when I wasn’t out and about.  Sadly, no kids around the neighborhood anymore.  They’ve all grown and moved away.

I am left asking myself what I should do.  Should I do anything?  Most likely not.  Maybe I will just dig out all the pictures of the Halloweens gone by, have a few drinks in celebration, and remember all the people and places I have celebrated with, along with remembering the spooky, (good and bad), decor of the places I celebrated at…or not…

 

 

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My Thoughts on Quitting Smoking

Posted on July 25, 2011 by

Back in April of 2010, (April 4, 2010 to be exact) and after what I consider my whole life, I quit smoking! Yep…I did it and it was surprisingly easy this time! I read the book, “The Easy Way to Stop Smoking” by Allen Carr. I have told everyone I know that smokes about it at this point, and I tell everyone I see on the streets smoking who will listen, about it! No one I know as of this date, that I have told, has read it. Stubborn bunch, my friends are!

I found out about the book from my cousin. She used to smoke and she read the book…results? She QUIT! My mother, who had smoked for over 50 years and had tried to quit numerous times, read it…results?? She QUIT! I never thought she would/could! So…me, not really wanting to quit, (I was smoking a half a pack or less at that point) but always knowing I should quit for health reasons, decided to read the book just to see what it was about. Results?  As you probably already know, being the brilliant ones who read my blog (and reading the first sentence)…I QUIT!

I always liked the smell of cigarettes, despite the fact that they made me sneeze.  I think that was probably because I felt some closeness and attachment to my Dad through the scent of tobacco. The memories that the sense of smell can bring to mind are extremely powerful.  He was a jockey and died after a horse racing accident when he was 30…I was 7.

He was a smoker, and I remember that smell of tobacco smoke on my blanket and the taste of tobacco on his fingers.  (I found comfort in my “blanky” being a thumbsucker.)  When I was a little girl, I had choked on something I was eating.  My Dad stuck his fingers in my mouth and pulled it out.  That is how I remembered that taste; it was on his fingers.  I have often wondered if the truth of the matter of why I even started to smoke has to do with that memory and needing to have him around me – that sense of being connected to him in some way…anyway that I possibly could?  I’m thinking I could be onto something with that revelation.

I now think smoking has many things attached to it in a person’s mind, not to mention it being a great way to cope with anxieties.  I really don’t think there is much of an addiction to nicotine, well, in my experience and in hind sight.  By telling myself I was addicted to the nicotine made it easier for me to stay “addicted”.  I think it’s the relief of many “symptoms” from many sources, (mainly emotional) that a smoker receives from the smoking ritual.  I also think it is the ritual that is addicting along with the payoff of being a tool of instant gratification for anxiety.  As those that know me are aware, I am the “Queen of Theories” so, of course, I now have one about smoking.  Maybe I’ll blog about it in depth one of these days.

I started to smoke on a regular basis, (which translates to, I was addicted to the ritual and started to buy my own cigs), at the tender age of 17.  Ahhhhh being 17!  The days when I wouldn’t be caught dead with make up nor would I pluck those caterpillers I have since tamed and now call eyebrows!  It was all about being natural…a true Southern California Hippy Girl.  Sex, Drugs, and Rock & Roll…it was my life and my lifestyle.  Oh the memories.  The late 1970’s in Hollywood, when my address was where I parked my car!  Yet again, more memories of things I might blog about one day.

I am beginning to view my time living here in the desert as me building a safe cocoon around myself, while I continue to transform, learning more about me and the things around me; what I want, what I don’t want, all the while working hard to get some grasp of how things work in this big, bad, and ever shrinking, world.  I’m getting ready for the new and improved me to emerge back into this world armed with a new understanding and jest for life.  I know, I’m forever hopeful that goodness, joy, love, abundance, bliss, and all things good in this world will arrive for my lifetime.  I figure if I keep thinking that way and working in that direction, soon the thoughts will manifest into the life I’m creating in my mind.  I’m almost there, I can feel it.  Now, if I could only find the end of the thread on this cocoon to pull and unravel the protective covering and complete the transformation.  I know, I know…there will be no wine before it’s time, and I am now becoming that fine wine, aged to perfection, or in my case, aged into the fine balance of imperfection.

Thoughts continue through my head that maybe this upcoming transformation is the reason I had to stop smoking.  I wasn’t trying to quit nor did I really want to.  I have questioned the decision of quitting due to the weight gain and I am wondering if it’s that great for my body to have stopped doing something thatÂI have done for as long as I can remember.  I did want and did accomplish ridding myself of all other addictions in my life, including the addiction to the toxic people that have been around me.  Smoking was the last addiction. Maybe that is why I have to be here, in this place, at this moment, to have arrived here, emotionally, mentally, and physically.  Maybe this is what all of the searching for “teachers” and mentors in my life, i.e.; the psychics, astrologers, Reiki Masters, Swamis, Llamas, Gurus, New Age teachers, channelers, charlatans, Churches, Temples, Holistic Health professionals, nutritionists, mind altering drugs, philosophers, formal and independent studies, and the list goes on and on during my quest, was about.  To get me here, wrapped in this cocoon, isolated from many things, learning, and awaiting the reentry into a new life.  I am now not so easily swayed, or bullied, and not nearly as insecure as I once was, nor am I as painfully and cripplingly shy, so all things have and are constantly changing and evolving, including me.  It’s now my turn to grab the brass ring, take all the help I gave to others and reclaim it for myself, while dancing off into the sunset to the rhythm of new vibrations from all the gathered information which will take me into the next dimension of my life…becoming who I need to be…ME…complete.

Since I stopped smoking, I have gained a lot of weight!  I can’t lose it and it is continuing to rise, no matter what I do.  I have a radical “reboot” I am going to start in a few weeks.  I will log that transformation here in the blog and I will be taking video.  Lots to do to get prepared before I can begin.  It will be a reboot that will transform my body.  My thinking now is that this will be the completion to the transformation at the end of that reboot, and the unraveling of the cocoon will begin.  I plan to stretch my new wings and as they dry, a new me will emerge, rejuvenated, complete, healthy mind and body, confident, and whole.  Ill be brand new, from the inside; mind, soul, and body…MY new trinity to keep within for all time and beyond.  I just might regain my bohemian lifestyle of being surrounded by artists, musicians, and creative people, with all of us creating something.  That will be full circle for me.  Perhaps that is just what I need – to go full circle to be able to go beyond.  Things that make me go, hmmmmmmmm, as the self-examination, self-realization, rejuvenation, and just trying to figure things out continues, while I work and wait to break out of the this cocoon.

My conclusion to being a non-smoker?   Reading all of this, I’d have to say, since I have quit smoking, I’ve lost my mind…or not…

 

(If you want to reboot with me, let me know by clicking on the Feedback tab at the top right, or click here to go to the Contact page form, and I’ll get you the information so we can reboot together!  Misery loves company, you know…)

 

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I survived…barely

Posted on July 9, 2011 by

Yes…I survived the completed trip around the sun! It was touch and go there for awhile! I didn’t know if I would make it through the day intact!  As I’m sure you have gathered with your keen senses, I did make it through and I’m back to tell the tale. I’d do the happy dance with you all, but…I’m sure you will understand why I’ll sit this dance out.

Before you get too excited to hear the tale, the truth of the matter is, there is no tale to tell as I was too crippled to go and do anything fun and/or exciting. Sorry if you were expecting an interesting tale to be told. But then again, why would you be thinking that? If you’ve been reading around here, you already know there isn’t much excitement going on here.

I survived the 4th of July festivities too, which is to be expected since I didn’t do anything special for the holiday. The days all seem to run together…holiday or no holiday. Must be due to the years moving by so quickly that holidays are here before I realize they are on the way! Either that or time for a new, more exciting, life!

I’m still upset about my fruit trees!  The apricot tree in particular. The apricots were still green, just starting to turn orange and I was all smiles just knowing I would have them for a birthday treat. What’s that saying about best laid plans?? Oh yeah…”best laid plans of mice and men often go astray” and if they are my plans, you can usually bet on them being lost in some ditch somewhere never to be seen or thought of again. But I digress. Back to the apricots.

I just can’t seem to get this fruit growing bit to work for me. The first year I got the trees, summer of 2009, the trees were young and it was late in the season, so there was no fruit. I was so excited about the idea of being able to go outside and pick 4 of my favorite fruits from the trees; one apricot tree, one white peach tree, one plum tree and one nectarine tree.

Fall fell upon the little trees and I watched as their leaves fell. I raked the leaves out of the rocks as they fell and took care of the sad looking little trees throughout the freezing cold nights and the snows of winter. Watering them and wondering if they were going to make it through the harsh winter. They looked so pitiful. They were little sticks out there, very similar to Charlie Brown’s Christmas Tree, but not nearly as nice.

Finally spring of 2010 sprang forth! I was so excited to see the blossoms on the trees and I began dreaming about the sweet fruits I would have the pleasure of having on my tongue in a few short weeks! The apricot tree and the white peach tree had the most blossoms so I was looking forward to picking the fruit! The plum and nectarine trees weren’t doing so well. (On a side note, I know now that what I thought was the plum tree is the nectarine tree and vice versa! I will talk about them again one day…maybe).  I’m not a very good at this farming stuff and my “farming” stories are a bit long and boring, but for you, I’ll continue along.

The apricot tree had so many blossoms, I became lost in the thoughts of all the things I will make with all of those delicate orange fruits! I launched a search for recipes calling for apricots; sauces, jams, jellies…whatever I could find. I just KNEW there was going to be an abundance of them. Many more than I could ever pick or eat before they would see the end of their sweet fruitfulness.

I quickly discovered, this was a lot like the saying “a watched pot that never boils”, watched fruits take forever to ripen! Until…one day…it happened! I walked out to check on the little trees and there was fruit! I was so excited! The blossoms were now fruit, with all the leaves like a protective blanket shielding the treasures from all harm.  The recently transformed blossoms were expanding quickly into plump, juicy fruit weighing on the branches. It was green for what seemed an eternity, then, creeping ever so slowly, a burst of COLOR! I watched and watched in wonder, joy, and amazement of how a blossom could become a fruit.  Suddenly I noticed something was happening. Something had started eating the fruit!  What was it? Birds!  Oh no…it was birds! I was told to tie ribbons on the trees to scare the birds away. So I did and it worked…well…until it didn’t!

The joy and wonderment was quickly replaced with the nightmare of “The Birds”! I made the video, “Spring into Summer – The Fruit Trees”, to show the massacre that had taken place upon my poor little fruits! I was so sad and mad too! Those birds didn’t even leave ONE! I planned on sharing with them, but they weren’t sharing in the plan! Once again…plans gone astray and laying in a ditch somewhere! With several lessons behind me on those trees, I couldn’t wait until next year!

This year IS next year and yet again, Plans Astray In Ditch! Yep…P.A.I.D. again!! I just keep paying to the force that is nature! You saw the ordeal with the “Plum” tree which, as it turned out, had wind damage.  The winds were so strong they snapped the branches of the white peach tree! What fruit was on the tree either hit the ground or was gouged by the falling branches that destroyed them way before their time.

I left the damaged fruit for the birds and I was able to salvage 6 whole peaches! I had been using the grape Kool-Aid suggestion to keep the birds away, which appeared to be working until the branches snapped so I stopped using it! I didn’t want to lose those 6 pieces of pure peach gold, so I used the baggie trick on them and they made it through. I savored every bite of the sweet deliciousness of those peaches as I held out hope for the full tree of apricots as natures birthday gift to me as “the fruits of my labors” are realized!

As mentioned in my previous blog, “Another Trip Completed”, something got to that apricot tree before me and picked it clean! Not a sign of an apricot anywhere.  Nothing on the ground, no seeds, no half eaten apricots, NOTHING!  All gone without a trace!

Today, I think I figured it out as I saw not one, but FIVE of these critters running around in the yard…all of varying sizes. I battled and won with the birds this year but it appears I lost to the desert rats!

My tomato plants have died for the most part, with only ONE (which is the one that I just threw seeds from a tomato into a pot) that is thriving. The tomato plant that fell in love with the cactus is still living. It gave me 4 tomatoes so far, with many more blooms. I took him outside knowing that he needs much more sun than what he was getting inside and the blooms were just dying (which I think is due to not being pollinated while inside).  I decided to take the cactus out with him so he won’t wilt and die.  I’m keeping an eye on both plants to see what happens. So far so good! Bell peppers on the way, a few onions, and a couple of potatoes.

The moral of my story is…well…I don’t really have one, but I think my “farming” days are over! Nature is a mean Mother and the pain of her lessons will be with me always as I continue to hope, that one day, I will have P.A.I.D. enough and catch a pay day!

Until that day, the new way I will have P.A.I.D. will be…when the fall comes, I will be transplanting the fruit trees where they will be more protected from the winds and there they will be on their own…or not…

All photos were taken by Caylyn. © Caylyn.com 2011

 

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Another Trip Completed

Posted on June 27, 2011 by

Yep, it's me!

Yes…I did it! I completed yet another trip around the sun! 53 trips now. That can’t be right? That just doesn’t look right seeing that in black and white!  Yikes!!  Surely that’s a typo?? Should be 35! Ok…35 it is. See, denial can be a good thing, since I feel much better now about the trips!

The day has begun with coffee and reading all the birthday wishes on Facebook and a couple at YouTube. Now I know where everyone went…they went to Facebook! Too much tracking of EVERYTHING on Facebook so I stay away. I prefer my false sense of controling my privacy here. There I go again…on my own little tangent. Now where was I? Oh yeah…the beginning of the day…

I was drinking coffee reading the comments, when the thought crossed my mind and reminded me that I was waiting for this day to go and pick my apricots!  I was thinking it was going to be a great Birthday present from Nature for all my hard work taking care of them.  They were getting so big…still green, but some orange starting to sneak in.  I went outside to look at the apricots yesterday, and to my dismay, not a ONE was left on the tree! Not like last year’s masacre, “Spring Into Summer – The Fruit Trees”, but NOTHING was left! It’s like someone or something came and picked every last one of them and took them away! Not a trace!

I’ve been keeping watch trying to figure out what/who got those apricots, literally, the fruits of my labors! (By the way, the birds got the peaches again this year. Between the extremely high winds snapping off branches and the birds, I got 3 peaches. *sigh* I give up!)  Moving right along…I saw a covey of baby quail on the back patio, so I grabbed my camera and was rushing to get to a window where I could have a clear shot without scaring them and avoiding the abupt ending of them taking flight.  I wanted to see if they were going after the LAST of my crops out there, which is a tomato plant with about 10 tomatoes on it ripening!  In my haste, I hit a piece of ply wood, (that is under the tomato plant that won’t go outside due to it’s love for the cactus…another LONG story), and scraped the skin off top of my foot!  Needless to say…the covey of quail heard my scream and flew off.  I missed the shot and now I have a bruised and bleeding scrape on the top of my foot!  I’d insert a picture here, but it’s not pretty!  Another band-aid and wound for me to doctor…

It is now just a little after 8 in the morning and I’m a wreck!  No toenail on one foot, now this on the other!  I’m going to take two advil, go back to bed, pull the covers over my head for awhile and get a new start to this day a little later…or not…

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The Zeitgeist Town Hall Report

Posted on June 23, 2011 by

Yep, it's me!

Things got a bit HOT (118° F) and hectic since the Zeitgeist Town Hall Ustream broadcast, so it’s taken me a little while to get back but here I am now.  Get those dancing shoes on for that happy dance!  It’s going to be a workout dancing all the way through this one!

Here are a few of my thoughts on The Zeitgeist Town Hall meeting.  I must admit that I was a bit disappointed in the Town Hall meeting.  As much as I agree with the Zeitgeist Movement to awaken people, educate, and introduce as many people as you can to the idea of a Resource Based Economy (RBE), it appeared to me that the speakers were just reiterating the same stuff that has been said since 2009 or so.  I was hoping to hear some plans on the next step!  At this point they are still talking about gathering people together and explaining what the movement is about and how an RBE could/would work, which is all well and good…but…I just can’t help but wonder when is the movement going to start another branch (or something) where people are actually building and moving forward into action, SHOW how things will work, and lead by example?

When I asked about this in the chat room, saying I was “hoping to hear about plans to move forward”, and, “what do people do now?”, and questions of that type, I was told I should join a chapter and get involved, I should grow a hydroponic garden, and I should find like minded people to help the ideas grow.  Once again, all well and good, but isn’t finding those that don’t think the same way, the ones we should also be talking to?  Wouldn’t they be the people we would need to hear their ideas from and gather all the information we could about ALL people, not just the ones that think like we do?  It could just be me bringing in my expectations, which I know I shouldn’t do, but I tend to do that from time to time.

I can see why a lot of people are beginning to understand the rumbling and ripples from many that are saying that The Zeitgeist Movement is a cult, even though I don’t view them as such.  I see them as a group of people trying to change the world, with their hearts and minds in the right place, but are having trouble executing the ideas.  I also see people wanting and needing a RBE so badly that they are willing to do anything and give up everything to help move The Zeitgeist Movement and a RBE forward.  Makes me think of those people that believed in the May 21, 2011 “Rapture” that gave away everything because they were so certain that was going to happen, or the Heaven’s Gate people that “jumped on” the Hale-Bopp comet to take them “home” and to the next level, and on and on throughout history.  Hmmmm…maybe they are a cult??  I digress.

I’m having trouble seeing this work at this time due to the fact that many family members can’t get along, so how can we expect everyone in the world to get along and pull together long enough to get this going? I’m keeping my fingers crossed, of course, that I live long enough to see a better world that works for all, but I don’t think I’ll see the reality of it. (The dreamer is still alive inside of me…right along side the realist).  I am one of the people that WANT to see a RBE work!  I am one of the people that want humanity to survive.  I am one of the people that has been spreading the idea.  I am one of the people that seeks knowledge on this (and many subjects) and shares it.  I am one of the people that understand how an RBE could work.  I am one of the people that can visualize what life would be like in the RBE.  But…I am one of the people, that has that sinking feeling that I won’t see it happen.  I am one of the people that will cling to the hope for all of humanity to finally be freed…

I am beginning to think this is just another cycle for humans.  The cycle of seeing what is wrong and trying to right it.  People that mean well and are trying to change the world for the greater good of all, cycle, which usually means change of some sort is on the way.  I’ve seen this before in MY lifetime time.  It seems to me to be a repeat of the 1960’s/1970’s with better clothes (oh wait…I really miss my bell bottoms), with different clothes.  I’m seeing a pattern in the history of humanity where people try over and over again to free humanity, but it doesn’t seem to ever be a reality.  Who really is in charge of humanity’s advancements?  If it is all of humanity that is in charge of our own destiny, then what are we waiting for?  Why haven’t we changed to follow the technology that will allow us a free life…a life free from monetary restraints and give the necessities along with the education for an easier and freer life to all of humanity?  Who, what, or why were advancements of people like Nikola Tesla blocked?  For financial gains?  And if it was really for the money in the pocket of people like J.P. Morgan, then why didn’t/haven’t the people stood up to the rapists of the resources for profit and demanded the resources for all?

I’ve asked many of these questions for a lifetime now, with my main puzzlement being, how did a few people get to claim stake to ALL the resources, right down to the water falling from the sky?  And WHY did the people agree to these actions?  What happened in humanity’s beginnings where this was done?  I have many many questions on this subject with a few ideas for the answers, but, will I ever really know the answers?  I hope so, but thinking it might not be probable in my lifetime.  What if we really were created to be a slave race for others out of this world?  Many, many therories and thoughts in my head about all the puzzle pieces.  Now to find that puzzle board and fit all the pieces together in it!

I could go on and on with this subject and dance all around it, but I’d need better dancing shoes!  Maybe I will visit the topic again one day.  It’s a HUGE subject with many parts and the Zeitgeist Movement is one small spoke in the wheel that keeps turning.  Oh no…I just had a thought…we ARE hampsters on a wheel!!!!…or not…

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