Yep, it's me!

I haven’t been feeling much like doing anything in the last couple of days.  Not even a silly blog!  I had this feeling of impending doom, which I was just brushing off as residule energy from the Japan earthquake, tsunami, radiation leakage, et al… Until yesterday…

Yesterday I heard of the death of another friend.  Losing the people around you is the most difficult part of life, not to mention the older you get, the more friends and loved ones you lose.  I really didn’t think it was going to effect me this way.  Once the news began to set in, the sadness hit me hard and hasn’t let go.  He was my first boyfriend when I was in High School.  We started talking again, thanks to Facebook, and got caught up on our lives.  We talked about getting together this spring, but that isn’t going to happen now.  Money issues were the reason for not getting together sooner.  I hate the fact that money, or rather the lack there of, stops so many things in this life. 

I am working through this loss the only way I know how, which is through tears and music.  This song haunted me after I heard the news, so I had to record it and put together a video to mark this moment in my life.  “Saying Goodbye to an Old Friend” is the video I made to begin to work through this. 

I was looking forward to seeing him again.  He truly was my “memory” for the past and he always looked after me.  I needed a keeper in those days, and I am grateful I had such a wonderful young man, (we were both young at the time), to look after me!  One day, he just went away as quickly as he appeared.  He left without a word, just as he has done once again.  You will be missed, Russell…

Now to get back to my life with the reminder that I really need to go and see some of my friends before it’s too late; the reminder that we never know just how many grains of sand is left in the hour glass for any of us!  Time to get back to the continuous struggle of learning how to live life without the people that have helped me along through this life’s journey.  

I’m noticing that so many of my friends are dying in their 50’s!  I can’t help but wonder when the sand will run out for me.  I won’t let money or lack there of, stop me this time!  There is just something about being in the presence of another that makes seeing, being with, and touching them so important to our well being as humans! 

It’s times like this that make me wish I was a poet and I could express what I was feeling in a poignant and poetic way.  I’ve never been gifted with words,which is evident when reading my writing,  but I don’t let that stop me.  Maybe in my next lifetime I’ll be a poet…or not…